Raising Free-Range Kids

Raising Free-Range Kids - AK - HSLDA Blog.jpg

Lately I’ve been thinking more about when to hold my kids close and when to push them to take risks and try new things, enabling them to gain confidence and to experience different horizons.

The author of Free-Range Kids, Lenore Skenazy, gained notoriety when she allowed her nine-year-old son Izzy to ride a subway home alone from a department store in New York City. Izzy wanted to do this, and Skenazy knew he was capable.

She equipped Izzy with a subway map, Metro Card, and some cash, including change to make a phone call home in case he needed it. He successfully made the trip home and was ecstatic about his newfound sense of competence.

When Skenazy related Izzy’s experience to friends and colleagues, she was met with incredulity and dismay. News outlets picked up the story and interviewed her. She was quickly labeled “America’s Worst Mom” for exposing him to such great risks.

“Childhood independence has become taboo, even though our world is no less safe than it was 20 or 30 years ago,” asserts Skenazy. “Crime is actually lower than it was when most of us were growing up. So there is no reality-based reason that children today should be treated as more helpless and vulnerable than we were when we were young.”

Why are modern parents so skittish compared to previous generations? One reason is the wide dissemination of very rare, yet horrific child abductions in the news media. A former TV news producer wrote on Skenazy’s blog: “I can tell you that news is all about fear. Sometimes, the first criteria we used when judging a story involving children or families was, ‘Is it scary enough?'”

Parents see scary news stories and then keep their children under lock and key, vowing that such a tragedy should never happen to their child. But what is lost in the process? Skenazy would argue that too much is lost. Statistically, there is only a one in 1.5 million chance that a child will be abducted and murdered by a stranger. Kids are 40 times more likely to be killed in a car crash than to be abducted.

Raising Free-Range Kids | HSLDA Blog

Previous generations gave children a wide array of freedom. The amount of restrictions modern Americans place on our kids is absurd in light of the average childhood experience in history.

As homeschoolers, our family has made choices that are counter-cultural. I was inspired by Skenazy’s bravery. She is fighting to raise her children the way she thinks is best, even though her views are not popular.

Although I am generally a free-range-parent, I also sometimes feel fear. I know what the popular view is, and this sometimes gives me pause. Even when I am not afraid of bad things happening to my kids, I do think about what other people will say when they hear about the freedoms my kids have.

One of our neighbors once mentioned to my husband that she noticed—when she comes home from work at 5:30 p.m.—our kids are “playing outside a lot…alone.” When I heard this, I thought, “Is that bad? They are playing outside ‘alone’ because I’ve been with them all day, and at some point, I need to actually get something done, like making dinner!” [Incidentally, our town was recently voted the safest town in the state.]

This is just an example of the modern mindset when it comes to child-rearing. I was encouraged by Skenazy to be even bolder and do the right thing for my kids, even when I know other people are questioning my decisions.

This spring I’m going to start letting my older two kids (ages 11 and nine) ride their bikes to the grocery store near our house and pick up a few things to bring home. I know they can handle this because I have taken the bike trail to the store with them numerous times, and I have taught them repeatedly about traffic safety. I am going to also let my seven-year-old go into the library by herself with my card, while I wait in the car, and let her retrieve and check out the books we have on hold.

Like Skenazy, I know my own kids. I know they can handle these things. It is time to give my kids a little more freedom, to prepare them for the big-wide world that is just around the corner.

-Amy

Photo Credit: Second image courtesy of Amy Koons.

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5 Comments on “Raising Free-Range Kids”

  1. Darren A. Jones
    March 23, 2017 at 10:00 am #

    Skenazy’s book was very inspiring to me when I listened to it a few years ago. I’ve tried to give my kids more freedom, especially in bike riding, since then. Thankfully we live in a neighborhood where kids roam the streets pretty freely without any raised eyebrows.

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  2. Jeanine
    March 23, 2017 at 3:48 pm #

    Many parents allow their kids a wide range of freedom in my neighborhood. However, this has led to dangerous rock throwing at my children’s head, my dogs and my house. We have had property damage. I have seen public urination in our common areas. My children are terrified of these bullies. These out of control kids ages from 4 years old to 11 years old. The kids yell taunts from across a field at my children. When the kids are told to stop or asked to respect our children, animals and property, they scough, laugh and giggle. When is free range just a code word for Lack of parent involvement or guidance, which allows violent and destructive behavior. I don’t agree with the free range philosophy because of the outrageous behavior I see in my own backyard. Literally, the kids hop the fence and do what they like In other people’s yard. Their parents are absent and clueless about this destructive behavior because they believ the kids will manage themselves.

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  3. Tammy Noel Smith
    March 24, 2017 at 2:20 am #

    I too homeschool my 5 children.I consider myself to be a mother who holds her children pretty close.I was raised by a mother who was molested when she was 4 years old by her next door neighbor.It happens and it happens more often than people realize.I know of 3 people who were molested as children.To know THAT many people in my circle,leaves me to believe that we are not raising our children in a world where they can be left alone.The way I see it is that if people want to “free range” their children,so be it.But I’d rather hold my children close and protect them.

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    • Amy Koons
      March 24, 2017 at 11:50 am #

      Tammy, I appreciate this perspective and think we need to be careful to get to know people before our children spend time in their homes I heard someone speak once about regrets she had because she kept her kids from experiencing many good and wonderful things in life because of her fear. Making decisions. Asked out of an unhealthy experience can sometimes lead to imbalance. But, conversely, we need to protect our kids from true danger. There is definitely a balance to be considered here and we parents need to consider all the balancing truths and definitely pray for wisdom.

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      • Amy Koons
        March 24, 2017 at 11:53 am #

        Sorry – auto correct while typing on my phone: “Making decisions based out of …” is what I meant to say above. 🙂

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