Have you ever made a huge mistake that turned out to be a great learning experience? Parents, we can teach our children that it’s not the failure itself that leaves the greatest impact, but it’s how we react or respond to that failure that matters most.
Children tend to be pretty black and white, so they think of everything in terms of success or failure. Young people need to know that it’s entirely within their power to not only turn a failure around, but to benefit from it. Rather than being discouraged by setbacks, children can learn to view failures as tools to learn what to do differently next time to be successful. In reference to his many failed attempts at his lightbulb invention, Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.” I, for one, am extremely thankful for his tenacity!
What predicts success? Many will say IQ or talent. However, research is showing that success is about much more than having a high IQ or being able to learn quickly and easily. While talent is primarily about developing a skill through practice, grit is passion, dedication to long term goals, stamina, and tenacity. Grit produces kids that are ready to take on challenges and rock our world!
The great news is that more and more research suggests that kids aren’t born with grit, but it can be taught and developed. Studies show that the most successful are those who focus on the current task at hand, persevere through difficulty, and don’t have the “grass-is-greener” mindset. Those who thrive and flourish tend to be those who are motivated, have self-control, and most importantly, a positive attitude!
Check out these 20 ways to help your child develop the stick-to-itiveness that will help him/her succeed in whatever they choose to pursue:
- Read books and watch movies about PEOPLE WHO OVERCAME and sacrificed and then celebrate it. Steve Jobs is a great example of perseverance in the face of trial.
- TALK ABOUT GRIT. Empower them by helping kids put their problems in perspective.
- CHALLENGE THEM intellectually and academically, keeping in mind age and maturity appropriateness.
- Develop INTENTIONAL HABITS – acting with purpose.
- Acknowledge that grit often requires SACRIFICE. Frequently, the sacrifice is time or money, but it can also mean losing sleep or social opportunities and even stepping out of your comfort zone.
- TEACH DISCERNMENT – know when to quit.
- Start early – SCRIPTED PLAY/DRAMA teaches young children to control their urges and desires by staying in character and sticking to the rules of the drama.
- Teach students to ANTICIPATE AND PLAN for possible obstacles.
- Encourage challenging activities that DEVELOP SELF-DISCIPLINE AND PERSEVERANCE like Taekwondo, sports, or drama.
- LET YOUR KIDS TAKE RISKS. Unfortunately, grit is often squelched (especially in boys) as mommas are sometimes afraid, when in reality, taking risks is an important way that kids learn. Psychologists say that kids who aren’t allowed to take risks grow up to be adults with fears and phobias and are likely the cause of so many young adults still living at home and having that dreaded ‘failure-to-launch’ syndrome. We need to encourage them to try new things, even when it’s a little scary.
- Teach the ART OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION. Assist them in navigating difficult circumstances, but don’t do it for them.
- Remind them that the most rewarding achievements are the ones that DON’T COME EASILY.
- Promote perseverance—even naturally gifted people have to work hard. Make sure they follow through for whatever they signed up for. Encourage them to push through the difficult thing.
- Encourage your child, but don’t push too much. Yes, it is a tricky balance. Renee and Mike Mosiman’s The Smarter Preschooler describes this as creating AN INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATING ENVIRONMENT vs an intellectually demanding environment.
- Being bored, confused, and frustrated sometimes is normal. Struggling can make a kid feel that he is “stupid” or “dumb,” but don’t be too quick to offer a solution; GIVE HIME TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. It is very empowering when a child realizes that he can solve problems and figure out solutions.
- PRAISE EFFORT, PERSEVERANCE, FOCUS, AND STRATEGIES. In Dr. Carol Dweck’s book Mindset, she discusses the adverse effect of praising intellect or physical attributes. Dweck suggests telling students that “every time you push out of your comfort zone to learn hard things, your brain grows new connections and you get smarter.” This truth alone may give hope to and motivate a disengaged or discouraged student.
- SET AN EXAMPLE AND MODEL CALMNESS AND DETERMINATION WITH YOUR OWN STRUGGLES. We tend to want to hide our struggles and failures from our kids, but our kids greatly benefit from watching us handle a frustrating situation well. Make a point of mom or dad sharing how they overcame an obstacle at work.
- Everyone meets obstacles. YOU HAVE A CHOICE: let the obstacle overcome you or overcome the obstacle. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
- Kids tend to work hard on things that they are interested in and care about. FIND WHAT MOTIVATES YOUR CHILD.
- Teach that EFFORT STRONGLY INFLUENCES OUTCOME. Don’t forget that Biblical truth, ‘we reap what we sow.’
The world needs innovators and inventors, so teach your child some grit!
Homeschooling is not just filling an empty cup, but igniting a fire.
Be sure to check out our upcoming “Exploring Homeschooling” symposium on Saturday, August 6, 2016, at HSLDA in Purcellville, Virginia. Also available by livestream! Whether you’re a new or prospective homeschooler, or a veteran who could use some encouragement and new ideas, you won’t want to miss this unique one-day workshop to home education, presented by HSLDA’s educational consultants. Please pass this along to your friends, family and neighbors.
For further reading:
- Larry Ferlazzo’s Helping Students Motivate Themselves is one of his many books on teaching students to be self-motivated.
- “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance”
- How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character
Photo Credit: Graphic design by Charity Klicka.